Where you’ve gone, I’ve always followed,

tagged behind; your little shadow.

I played while you worked, listened while you spoke.

When I fell asleep you were there when I woke.

You fought in many battles, but this one you could not win.

You’re on a path that I can’t tread; I’ll have to wait instead.

And think of all the times we had, of the adventures shared.

Of the things you taught me, and of how much you cared.

I wish you could have stayed here; that you had a few more days.

I know you tried, but had to go; I wish I could have seen you on your way.

My heart is full of your memory; there you will always be.

Alive and bright, untarnished by time, as endless as the sea.

When we meet again I’m sure to find you guarding Heaven’s Gates.

Grandfather, mentor, friend; a soldier standing proud and straight.

Will I finally get to tell you? Find the words that you are worth?

How much I missed you? How much I loved you?

But then you will say it first in a bear-hug and a kiss

that will say everything that words sometimes miss,

but what hearts always know.

I miss you.

I love you.

Rousing of wild
voices in praise
of the ages.
A Celestial God
rules the fang
and the claw.
Through fur
through change
in spirit freed.
In shifting night
to roam
to worship
in song.

In my heart I dream of you
The time apart is near too much
Every fraction of your body
My fingers yearn to touch.

If my love were a single word
It would spell your name
And if this for you I feel
Is yours for me the same?

Would you share your life with me?
Watch seasons ebb and flow with me?
Grow old and share eternity
What is it you feel for me?

These words do not come easy
For every one a battle bold
But every one that’s won
Is worth its weight in gold.

My words for you that cost the most
Say that “I love you”
And whatever you may think of me
That will forever be the truth.

You fucked up, fucked me
Got what you needed
Now you’re leaving
Me
I hope you have regrets
Maybe it was for the best
You never meant
Anything
That’s what I’ll say
Till the end of my days
But you, you’ll never pay
Up
Yours, couldn’t make you change
You were in / out with a bang
It was my heart that got Shang-
Haied
That’s what I did after
I couldn’t bear to hear laughter
You stole it you bastard
You
Took everything I loved
What you gave back was a dud
And it was my blood
On
Your hands you had to wash off
You thought I was soft
Thought you could be the boss
Of
Me, but you were mistaken
There were dreams I was making
Made you hot to think you were taking
Them
Away and putting up your own curtains
You never were certain
And when I bit you were the one hurting
Not
Me because at last I could see
You could never appreciate me
Too full of lies and jealousy
To
Ever love anyone, especially me.

This is me at the 2005 Bakuretsu Con in South Burlington as InuYasha during the Cosplay Contest.

http://i78.photobucket.com/albums/j88/bakuretsucon/2005%20Cosplay/DSC01059.jpg


This is my Fan Art piece that won the Art Contest in the ‘Color’ Category. It’s a Dragonball Z Montague.

http://i78.photobucket.com/albums/j88/bakuretsucon/2005%20Art%20Contest/DSC01098.jpg


2006 Ought to be a blast!

        
     Coffee

Soul and language
all unfuzzed,
set loose by
a caffeine buzz.

Mixed-up with
a carefree day,
free of work
and full of play.

Down to earth
one soon must fall,
just hours after
coffee’s call.

Such joy was had
the world looked up,
how about
another cup?

Spun

On rounded shoulders a troubled world
Still spins, spinning, spinning
Still spinning
Slower
Slower…
For real or just to troubled eyes?
Real enough when you bear the load
How ever heavy in your mind it is
And still, slower
Slower
Slower…
And you don’t care that it’s slowing down
More
More…
Or when it stops
Because you’ve stopped spinning too.

I spent my life in darkness
just to see the sun rise in your eyes;
just once to complete my puzzled mind.
And then, I could rest contented
knowing I had finally seen the light.

Fuck, Death!
Man he looked crazy
Was he loaded or unloaded;
I couldn’t tell
He was talking from his pocket
He spoke in sane words
But he sounded insane 
Altogether.
I could only stare
And smile,
Trying not to look at my cards,
But nearly crapping out
And wondering
If the chips are worth dying for,
Even if you are friends
With the Dealer.

A Thousand Years

A thousand years
I look through
Your eyes, your heart, to your soul
Forever lost inside of you;
The very fabric that weaves you whole.

What shadows hide
Behind shrouds you’ve hung
Fearing to bear, to be seen and known
An instinctual thrum;
Of that which aside you’ve thrown.

Not now complete
Were you ever so
Do I even know that which I see
Or where I should go;
With you now so much a part of me.

Be what may be
You to I as I to you
Fitting whole in our embrace
Defying what is true;
I see the battle in your face.

I see a thousand years
In your eyes.

Each step further
Flashes hot iced lighting
And throbbing thunder
Through every part of me.
What I would not give
To dull the pain
And erase the ache
That garrotes my body and mind
And twists its fist
Around my heart.
Every part of me is tired 
Of hurting
In one way or another
And when I cry for release 
Even tears hurt.

Crushed by social faux pas
Can’t ever learn from my mistakes
One, two, three strikes I’m out
Damn, I’m never going home.
Game of Life sucks anyway.

Guardian

Red tongues spit
Shadows
To pool around gold
Islands
Mother mounted, a great
Furnace
Sails furled so quietly
Sleeping
Plated bellows fueling living
Gems
Ever mindful of their
Kin

                 Cut

On every wave the pieces
Of my crumbling heart
Dig further into my soul
Cutting deeper than the knife can go
But I’ve already bled too much
And every refill runs thicker.

I’d just as soon cut out that heart
With the knife I keep so close
Afraid that I should overflow
With the emotions it contains
Like poison threatening to spread
And contaminate those I care for.

If only the knife were the solution
But the more it cuts the more I feel
And the more I despise myself
For giving into mortal wants
If only I’d cut deep enough
That first time.

(Written 02/11/05)

             Better Days

My mind has wandered far away,
In time back to better days
Now in sunlight on a running stream
Dawning bright the future seemed.

Swiftly moving, smooth and sure
Oh cleanly polished and demure
Unwavering and ever-flowing
Long past and present, still it’s going.

Bright facets of a crystal pond,
On each memories of which I’m fond
Dwelling deep within my mind
Yes such peace I soon shall find.

            In any case, one can always hope for better days to come, but dwelling forever on times past can be a mistake. It means you're never living in the present. That doesn't mean hope isn't good; I'm always hoping I'll have another piece of Pecan Pie that was as good as a piece I had back in the year 2000. On the other hand, I don't think I'll ever find a person who will be a special to me as someone once was. But still, there is hope, and that’s a good thing.

(This is a poem called a 'Sestina' that I wrote 04/17/03)

                                            Belong

Floating like lead balloons, over
Mountains of flavored pudding mix
On a jet stream of aimless thoughts, all
Wondering, just what their purpose is.
And where in my mind they belong;
And if I even want them there.

Sometimes they stop places and relax there;
A little vacation all too soon over.
The little blue ones really don’t belong
So they loose themselves within the mix.
Tumbled over like wet laundry is,
Lost like favorite socks, gone gone all.

The rest of the colors keep going, all
Trying to keep pace with the leaders there;
Not wanting to be left behind like a dream is,
Because no one wanted to think it over.
And they squish into a little space and mix;
To fool me into thinking they really belong.

Security catches them, it knows who does belong,
And bounces them through one way doors, all
Bruised and cut, nobody cares that in the whole mix
These are those that have permission to be there,
Though only they know from one who has power over
The city limits and knows where every skeleton is.

Brushing off migration rolls on, each one is
Praying to be welcomed back where they belong,
Or at least think they do, when everyone gets over
The invasion of little green men each with arms all
Ready for a knock-down drag-out right there.
Even with women and children that shouldn’t mix.

Finally on the landing pad all thoughts mix
And everyone turns green and every thought is
Put in place like pegs in holes correctly placed there;
It was really planned like each was meant to belong,
And not a balloon but a tulip in a mind garden all
Tall and proud I want them and the trip is over.

(This is a type of poem known as a 'Villanelle') 

                  (Written:  02/30/03)

If Inside My Heart You Could See

If inside my heart you could see
Such sadness that I hold fast within;
Swelling like fruit ripe on the tree.

Why so misplaced must I be
A soul so alone with no other kin;
If inside my heart you could see.

It hurts so much when the tears break free
From burning inside like a deadly sin;
Swelling like fruit ripe on the tree.

Deserving in my fate that is the key
A permanent past like dents on tin;
If inside my heart you could see.

To love another who loves loving me
A new life out of the shadows can begin;
Swelling like fruit ripe on the tree.

In breaking of clouds through sorrow’s plea
For hope of happiness small as a flea;
Swelling like fruit ripe on the tree.
If inside my heart you could see.